Phangirls
by albinotanuki
Summary: Henrietta gets annoyed by fans of the Gerard Butler version of "Phantom of the Opera". Suddenly, Gerard Butler shows up, trying to hide from the fangirls and Henrietta must help him.
1. Chapter 1

The Goth Kids were walking through the hallway of South Park elementary.

"And then the guy had the nerve to tell me I should wear my hair in a man-bun." said Pete, "Do I look like the kind of guy who'd be into that hipster conformist crap?"

It was then they came across a bunch of girls wearing _Phantom of the Opera_ and Gerard Butler merchandise, talking and giggling to each other.

"Ugh. It's those Gerard Butler _Phantom of the Opera_ fangirls." groaned Henrietta.

"Weren't you a fan of _Phantom of the Opera_?" asked Michael.

"Yeah, before Andrew Lloyd Webber decided to hire Joel Schumacher to direct the 2004 movie." said Henrietta.

The Phantom fangirls went up to the Goth kids.

"Hey Henrietta, we were all thinking of going to Baskin Robins to talk about our favorite parts of _Phantom_. You wanna come?" asked one girl.

"I'd rather hang out with the Vampire kids to talk about _Twilight_. Honestly, do you even know the real name of the Phantom?" asked Henrietta.

"Gerard Butler" said the girl.

"Oh my God." said Henrietta in disbelief.

"Well we'll see you soon, Henrietta."

The Phangirls walked off giggling.

"I can't believe the Phandom has become this." said Henrietta.

"Pay no attention to those girls, they're clearly idiots." said Firkle.

"WOO WOO WOO!" shouted PC Principal, "Did I just hear someone use the word 'idiot'?"

"No sir." said Firkle.

"Well remember, that word has been historically used as an ableist slur and if I catch anyone using that word again, it's detention for them!"

PC Principal walked away.

"Anyways, I'll catch up with you after class." said Henrietta.


	2. Chapter 2

When Henrietta got home, she went to her room to write poetry. Suddenly, her mom called her over to the living room. She groaned and went downstairs.

"What?!" she said.

"Well Henrietta, I know how much you love _The Phantom of the Opera_, so I decided to invite some of the girls at school who were interested in it also to a sleepover."

"You did WHAT?!" said Henrietta

"I just thought it would be good for you to socialize with people who have the same interests as you." said her mom.

"We have NOTHING in common." said Henrietta, "I rather have maggots eat my flesh than to hang out with those Gerard Butler fanbitches."

"Oh Henrietta, just give them a chance. You might find you have a lot in common." said her mom.

"Fine." sighed Henrietta, "But I'm not going to enjoy it."


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday night came and the Phangirls were all in Henrietta's room, smiling and giggling as they did each other's nails while Henrietta sighed in the corner, smoking her cigarette.

"You have such a cool room, Henrietta." said one of the girls, "I could totally see the Phantom having a room like this. Though I think it could use more candles and some marble statues."

"It's so sad that Gerard Butler's home got destroyed in that California fire last year." said another girl.

"I know." said a third girl, "We should set up a GoFundMe for him so he can have a house with an underground layer so he can practice his music."

"The Phantom in the Gaston Leroux novel had torture chambers in his underground layer." said Henrietta.

The girls just ignored Henrietta.

"I feel so bad for the Phantom." said one girl, "His only friend was a monkey music box."

"Yeah, I'm sure Gaston Leroux intended for the Persian to be a monkey." said Henrietta.

"You know what's really sad? No one loved him all because of the way he looked." said another girl.

"I know." said a third girl, "Especially since he's really not that ugly."

"I know. People can be so shallow." said the first girl.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" said Henrietta, "The Phantom wasn't some hunky guy with half a sunburn on his face; he had an actual deformity! Unless if your Phantom looks and smell like a corpse, then excuse me for not believing that he was any sort of outcast!"

Henrietta huffed and stormed out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Henrietta went outside to the backyard and took a puff of her cigarette.

"Stupid Gerard Butler fanbitches. If the Phantom were actually real, they'd be his first victims."

Suddenly, she heard ruffling in the bushes. Out of curiosity, she went over.

"Excuse me." said a Scottish accented voice.

A face popped out from the bushes.

"Gerard Butler?" said Henrietta in astonishment.

"Are there fangirls of my version of _Phantom of the Opera_ in there?" asked Gerard Butler.

"Yeah, and they're annoying as Hell." said Henrietta.

"FINALLY! Someone who understands." said Gerard Butler.

"Huh?" asked Henrietta.

"Ever since my version of _Phantom_ came out, Phangirls have been tormenting me, saying 'Oh Gerard, you're so hot in that movie. I would totally have stayed with you if I were Christine.'. I'm no Phantom; I'm not even that good of a singer. I only got the part because Michael Crawford was too old and I was in that ONE vampire movie."

"So what do you want me to do?" asked Henrietta.

"My house was burnt down last year dule to the California Wildfires. I need a place to hide from the Phangirls until my house gets rebuilt."

"Well I can't hide you in the house cause of the Phangirls, but I DO know a place you can stay."


	5. Chapter 5

Henrietta lead Gerard Butler over to a shack not far from her home. She knocked on the door. Her little brother, Bradley, dressed up in his Mint-Berry Crunch costume, answered the door.

"Shablagoo!" he said.

"Hey Bradley, Gerard Butler needs a place to hide from the Phangirls. Mind if he hangs out in your secret layer?" asked Henrietta.

"I keep telling you, my name's not Bradley; it's Mint-Berry Crunch! ...But yes, he can hang out in my secret layer."

Henrietta brought Gerard Butler into the shed. It was filled with makeshift computer equipment made of cardboard and Mint-Berry Crunch cereal.

"My layer is top secret, so outside of my parents and Henrietta, no one is to know about it." said Bradley to Gerard Butler, "There's Mint-Berry Crunch Cereal if you get hungry, and if anyone discovers this layer, use this cloaking device."

Bradley handed him over a granny-square crochet blanket.

"Ah. Thank you. Both of you." said Gerard Butler.

"Yeah, well, if any of my Goth friends discover I've been helping you out, I'm just gonna deny it." said Henrietta.


End file.
